


Waiting for Her

by elixia13



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Angst, Episode: s04e01 Sentinel Too, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-28
Updated: 2010-01-28
Packaged: 2017-10-06 18:57:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elixia13/pseuds/elixia13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blair waits for Alex. Or for his fate. Same difference?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting for Her

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first posted Sentinel story. (I have a zine story in the works, hey Mysti!) I'v been watching SenToo tonight, and something in Blair's expression in the penultimate scene grabbed me. This is the result. ;)

Jim's not the only one having visions, this time. Or, I should say,  
Jim and Alex aren't the only ones having visions. I don't know if they  
see...me, if either of them has seen the wolf. Jim, man, Jim isn't talking,  
and at this point I unfortunately know Alex hasn't been straight with  
me, beyond what she had to tell me to get my help.

I'd been feeling this enormous sense of foreboding, of something wrong,  
for days, but I couldn't pin it down. Free-floating anxiety, I told  
myself. It's just me. Then when Jim got shot--just winged, thank God--and  
I saw him lying all white and pained in the hospital bed, I thought okay,  
this is what I was so worried about. Jim'll be fine, just a little sling,  
paranoia's just up a notch too high this time.

He really was acting like an ass after he got sent home by the doctor,  
but I tried to give him space. I spent as much time as I could at work  
or just out, what the hell else was I supposed to do? Maybe I should  
have been there. Maybe that was my mistake. But I was trying to do  
the right thing, you know?

And what I got for it was a god damned gun in my face, thanks much.   
And I tried to tell him about Alex; I swear I did not set out to deceive  
him or to lie. I wanted to tell him, and he blew me off, so I changed  
my mind. How was I to know what that would cause? I'm supposed to be  
the shaman and the guide, and I think I do a pretty decent job of it  
most of the time, especially considering it's off the top of my head.  
I just don't know.

I admit I was excited by Alex, and not in a sexual way, thanks Jim.   
When she kissed me, it was the wrong Sentinel, absolutely the wrong Sentinel.  
I was actually thinking, at that point, hey, Jim's going back to work  
today, maybe he'll be in a better mood. I thought we could knock back  
a couple of beers and chill on the couch. Jim-time is the best.

But I came home to the boxes, ah God, and it was like some gross distortion  
of reality, and I thought _this_ is what I was nervous about. After  
two and half, what? three years in the loft he was telling me to leave.  
Not asking me to leave. Not helping me find a place to move into in  
a few weeks or a month. No "Thanks for the good times, Sandburg." And  
that is what I got for trusting him and letting him help me. That is  
what I got for no lease and informal rent. That is what I got for trying  
like hell to follow his rules and play my music low and...fuck me.

He left, and I couldn't handle it, really. I grabbed my bathroom stuff,  
some clothes, a couple of books and that was really all I could fit in  
my car. I dragged the rest of it down to the basement and hoped Jim  
didn't burn it before I could pick it up. I didn't think he would do  
something like that, but then all expectations were right out the window.

And I had about fifty bucks at my disposal, so the motel I stayed in  
was like beyond creepy. I knew I needed to find something else quick,  
but I couldn't seem to motivate myself to do it. I still felt that impending  
doom coming down on me, and it was getting worse instead of better.   
I was trying not to think of what else could go wrong.

I ran out to work with Alex the next morning, and it was poignant in  
a really terrible way because I couldn't stop thinking of working with  
Jim on his senses for the first time. I couldn't help realizing that,  
while I could probably help Alex on the level of basic technique, I didn't  
feel the instinctive connection I did with Jim, right from the start.  
I was _his_ Guide. I _am_ his Guide, damnit. Whatever happens.

Megan really rose to the occasion; I have to give her credit. When she  
realized that Jim was seriously not himself, she came to see me at my  
office, and she helped me follow him after we found him in the dark,  
freezing, creepy loft. If I hadn't been scared already, finding him  
like that would have left me terrified. As it was, I only became more  
sure that my instincts were unfortunately correct. Things were going  
to get worse.

After losing the perp--losing Alex, I have to remind myself now--I was  
totally at loose ends, and Megan was good enough to insist that she'd  
throw a tanty of her own if I didn't come sleep on her sofa. All I can  
say is that it's a good thing I got some rest--not a lot, but a little.  
Then again, I may be getting whole lot more rest soon. I don't know.

Jim's accusations at the PD really sucked. As though I'd had any way  
of knowing that Alex's identity would be such an important thing. As  
though I thought the whole thing was anything more than a conundrum of  
Sentinel behavior that I wanted to see worked out in a controlled environment.  
"We're going to see her now," he informed me. Yes, I do respond to growls  
now, apparently.

At Alex's apartment, Jim was completely bizarre. Underneath, I could  
still feel him tensed, guarded, angry, but on top he was good old Jim.  
Calling me Chief, guiding me with a hand on my back. I swear to God,  
I wanted to shrug it off, but I didn't want to push him right then.   
I was starting to figure out what was going on.

The realization that I was caught in between two very large, very dangerous  
cats having a pissing contest, well, it just plain made my head hurt.  
I was slowly making some headway with Jim. He said he was trying to  
get by it, and he was interested in my theories, even looking for some  
of his own. Intellectually, I thought we had a chance of pulling out  
of this intact.

But in my gut I knew we were still in our handbasket going straight to  
hell.

When we got back to the station, every inch I'd made with Jim that day  
just slipped out on my grasp in about 20 seconds. He wanted me to move  
on. He wanted me to do my dissertation on somebody else. Did he think  
I was going to work with Alex now that we knew what she was? Did he  
think I was the amazing human Sentinel magnet? Did he think I was supposed  
to be perfect and never make a mistake?

With my heart in my throat, I went back to my office. I put my head  
down on my desk for a few minutes to compose myself, and somehow I fell  
asleep or at least drifted off slightly. I found myself in the jungle,  
bathed in blue light. I had four legs, grey fur, the shape of the wolf  
I'd seen when I did my spirit guide meditations.

I looked up and saw the Temple of the Sentinels, and it was so beautiful.  
I went to look more closely, and then I heard the growls. To my left  
was an incredible black jaguar. Jim, but he wasn't looking at me. He  
was staring down the golden spotted cat my right, who was pulling back  
in the way that cats and waves do before they strike. I must have made  
a sound, because the spotted cat turned her whole head toward me and  
launched. I actually felt her tear at my throat before the black jaguar  
attacked her, getting her away from me.

I felt myself bleeding, and at the same time I felt my shape elongating,  
my skin getting colder. I felt a huge cat tongue on my face, bristled  
and warm, I heard a great cat roar, and then I felt nothing. I woke  
up panting at my desk, as certain as I can be of what's going to happen,  
of what I've been waiting for since this whole thing began.

I figure I don't have long to wait. I thought about running, but she  
would only catch me. I know that now. I don't want to die, but if I  
have to die I'd rather it be here, in _my_ Temple of the Sentinels.   
I'm going to meet it head-on. I'm trying not to be scared. I arranged  
one of my chairs to face the door, and I'm sitting here waiting for her  
to arrive.

The End


End file.
